Monogamy Isn’t For Everyone; Polyamory Isn’t Going to Ruin the World
Polyamory, however, was not something I’d heard spoken of. The idea that a person can love only one intimate partner—that a person must relate to, be faithful to, and love only one person at a time—is ingrained into most of us from the time we’re toddlers. Monogamy is generally considered the only acceptable relationship style. Infidelity ends up being big news … [W]hile the predominant sentiment is criticism of the philanderer, people don’t really seem to want to question culturally imposed monogamy. They hold dear sayings like: “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” In fact, someone quoted this saying just the other day and I wanted to scream “NO, it doesn’t mean that at all. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love the first person. Maybe it means that you’re polyamorous. Maybe it means that you have the capacity to love more than just one human being at a time. Maybe it means that love is expansive. Maybe it means that monogamy isn’t for everyone.”
I always felt confined in monogamous relationships, no matter how much I loved and cared for the other person. I always thought there was something wrong with me, until I realized that I’m simply not wired to be monogamous.
It’s a shame that we live in a society that dictates monogamy as the only acceptable relationship style. In light of some of the messages I received this weekend, lets all try to be a little more accepting. If you feel threatened by others relationships, that’s your issue, not mine.
Exactly. As soon as I felt free to follow the love that my heart led me to, it was a whole new world. No longer living in fear of my feelings, and feeling free to be honest about them with my partners, quite literally changed my life.
I’m glad we are talking about this more. Even this is simplistic, in my opinion. But three things are true: Integrity requires being honest that we will have complicated feelings. Being open and clear about communication in a kind way is very liberating. It’s a good idea to make sure you know what you are getting into rather than assume values from others.